Fear (noun): A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid
I would not say I live in fear but I do have a few big fears (hope I am not alone on this).
One of those fears is needles. I really can’t pinpoint when this fear began but it is one of my biggest. The thought of needles gets me squirmish. I have been avoiding shots and giving blood like the plague. I even put my dreams of venturing to India and Africa on the back burner because I found out there are mandatory vaccinations before traveling. I can’t explain my irrational behavior when it comes to needles, I just know the fear that strikes in my heart.
Recently, B recommended we get life insurance (sure we are a little young but it is better to plan ahead!). I was completely on board until we spoke with our agent who mentioned there would have to be blood work done. I asked if a simple prick of the finger would suffice and he said no. In order to move forward I would have to provide a substantial blood sample for testing. I debated if this was really necessary. I pleaded to Ben to not make me do this because I didn’t know if I could. This sounds so pathetic as I write, but when you have fear it is sometimes hard to think rational.
B encouraged me to face my fear. He said I couldn’t let the fear of something dictate my life. I agreed and set an appointment for the physical. Three or four days before the exam I started having nightmares. I can’t remember all the little details, but I do remember waking up in panic about getting this blood work done.
B thought it would be a good idea to prepare me for what was to come. He pretended to find a vein, wipe my arm with alcohol and prick me with a pen. Although obviously it didn’t hurt, I still had the rush of fear over me and I became emotional.
I was so mad at myself because it seemed so irrational and I couldn’t even pinpoint exactly why I was afraid. My emotions just seemed to take over.
The day of the appointment came and I just focused on my breathing. I started to cry as soon as I entered the examination room. I couldn’t hold it back. I asked the examiner to please begin with the blood work because I could not take the anxiety any longer. She quickly agreed and got to it.
I laid down and had B sit in a chair facing me. I squeezed his hand with all my might. B started to sing to me as the examiner tied my arm and looked for a vein. Before B could even take a picture the examiner was done!
A weight had been lifted from me. I felt on top of the world.
Now I am not saying I am gonna go out and get a tattoo or sign up for the next blood drive but I am saying I can do it (with B singing to me of course). I won’t let this fear dictate me any longer. I can get the vaccinations to travel to Africa and India.
I am renewed.
Now on to conquering the rest of the fears on the list…
What are some of your biggest fears?